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Top 5 Summer Style Sins For Women Over 40

August 28, 2009 By

With the warm weather here you’re probably feeling relaxed and casual and it’s easy to get sloppy and let your summer style slide.  Are YOU guilty of any of these top 5 Summer Style Sins?  Let the Glam Gals guide you to a comfortable yet chic summer wardrobe.

1.Capri pants with socks and running shoes.

Capris are a cute sassy way to show off your lower legs. While they do tend to make your leg look a little shorter because they stop at the calf,  they can be balanced out by wearing a lovely kitten heel sandal or low wedge in the same color as your capris.  Beware of wearing capris with socks and running shoes! This is a lethal combination that makes you look short, fat and frumpy. If you need practicality and comfort, then try a cushioned flip-flop with your capris or wear shorts instead with running shoes for sporty look.

2.Crazy Crocs.

Comfortable, fun, but keep your crocks at home. Crocks were originally garden shoes and we think that’s where they need to stay. Wear them around the garden, the pool, the seaside or cottage, but don’t wear them out grocery shopping or to a movie or anywhere else. These brightly colored, rubber shoes are a fad and scream childish. Do you really want to look like a kid when you are a grown woman?

3.Nude hose with sandals.

If you want to wear open toed shoes and are tempted to wear even the sheerest of hose with them, stop right there. Remember, nothing look tackier than this fashion faux pas. Many women are hesitant to use self-tanners because they are worried about having orange legs, but let us assure you that they have come a long way and give a subtle and beautiful result.

4.Short Shorts.

Who wears short shorts? Not women over 40 unless you’ve been digging things out of your teenage daughter’s closet to wear.  Short shorts (especially cut off jean shorts) that let it all hang out are tacky and cheap outside of your own backyard. Save them for sun tanning and try an above the knee cotton skirt or walking short for going out.

5.Visible Pockets.

One of the freshest looks for summer is a pair of crisp white pants. But beware if those pants come with big visible pockets. That’s all anyone will notice! When shopping for a pair of new white pants, take note if the pockets are taking center stage.  If you must buy new white pants made of lightweight or sheer fabric  make sure to take the time to have the pockets taken out by a professional seamstress for a much cleaner look.

Women over forty can look stylish and sexy even during the warm and casual summer season by avoiding these top five 5 summer style sins.

©2009, Boland-Tyler Productions.  You may reprint this article so long as the text and byline are reprinted intact, without changes and with a live link in the byline.

Deborah Boland and JoJami Tyler (The Glam Gals) are Image and Style Experts specializing in helping women over 40 look and feel fabulous. They are the authors of the book, The Glam Plan-12 Simple Steps to Take You from Frumpy to Fabulous, and Tweak Your Chic-Mother of the Bride, as well as coaches for their Tweak Your Chicâ„¢ image makeover program. For more style tips visit http://www.fabulousafter40.com and sign up for their bi-weekly newsletter.

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A Wife Is Entitled To Financial Intimacy

June 1, 2009 By

If you had a financially intimate marriage that would minimize your friction about money and increase your opportunities for love.

What does it mean to have a financially intimate marriage? Culturally, we link the concept of intimacy with romance, not realizing that we are talking about two different things. Romance is make-believe, it’s Disney, it’s a stage set – and it’s great.

But not when it comes to money, which operates in the real world. When we think about money romantically, we’re basically not thinking at all. We’re just fantasizing, linking money with love when in fact, money is money and love is love.

We need a wider definition of intimacy, a concept we currently link with the physical, sexual or emotional revealing of ourselves to another person in a most private way. We need to think of intimacy as transparency, especially when it comes to marital finances because so much is at stake.

Unfortunately, full financial disclosure is still treated as taboo in many marriages, especially when the man makes the big money decisions. A wife may be contributing a significant amount of money through her work, yet may go decades knowing little about her shared finances.  In many cases, her financial insecurity does not become evident until she is divorced, which is the worst possible time to begin grappling with money troubles or decisions. It’s also the worst possible time to learn about the basics of money management.

The problem goes even deeper. Failure to achieve financial intimacy in your marriage creates a climate of resentment, suspicion and lack of trust. If you’re feeling angry, patronized, ignored or shut out when it comes to finances, your feelings are certain to spill over into other areas of the marriage.  Sex, honesty, closeness, trust, parenting – all will be affected on a conscious or subconscious level.

Bad feelings don’t go away; they redistribute. One acquaintance put it very colorfully: “He expects sex twice a night, but he won’t tell me what our net worth is.”

Financial intimacy creates financial equality between husband and wife. It doesn’t mean that you earn the same. It means that you both know what the other earns, how you spend it, how you save it, what your shared goals are and how you intend to achieve them.

It’s not about trusting, hoping or assuming that your husband is doing everything right. It’s about knowing and understanding what he is doing because everything he does affects you.

That’s what being an equal partner means. You are part of a fifty/fifty relationship. In fact, marriage has many of the same structural characteristics as a business partnership.  You, as a partner, have a right, and the law supports your right, to all the financial information about your partnership. If you are the primary breadwinner in your family, your husband has that same right.

You are not entitled to special treatment because you are a woman, but to equal treatment because you are a partner. You may earn less than your husband, but you take the same amount of financial risk for decisions made within your partnership.

If you find yourself widowed or divorced, some things will be immediately clear. You will need financial resources and the skills to manage them. You will need to understand basic finances so you won’t have to rely on family members, friends or a financial advisor to tell you what to do. You will need to understand and sign contracts on your own. You will need to know how to do the financial things that you relied on your husband to do for you.

Don’t rely on your husband to do the finances. Participate, understand, keep a copy of the records, ask questions, and assume that you have a right to all the financial information that affects you both.

The law supports your right to have it!

(c) 2008, Helga Hayse.  Reprints welcomed so long as the article and byline are kept intact and all links are made live.

Helga Hayse is author of “Don’t Worry About A Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances. She speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversation between generations. Visit her site at http://www.financialintimacy.com for her frequently updated blog, free articles and more information about her book.

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What Women Need To Know Before Choosing A Lawyer

May 9, 2009 By

It can feel intimidating to talk to a lawyer. I’ve learned the hard way that if your lawyer can’t explain things to you as if you are a smart 14-year-old, you should find a lawyer who can. A lawyer is supposed to make your life easier, not more stressful.

Your first step in finding a lawyer is to ask your family, friends or acquaintances. Ask why they like him or her and what the lawyer did for them. If you’re consulting a lawyer about a divorce or estate planning, it’s important that he/she has experience in these areas of expertise.

Credentials count, but this is about more than education and experience The law is complicated enough; you need someone who can explain things to you in addition to being qualified to advise you.

In the event of divorce, or the death of a husband, you will be working closely with the lawyer. You want things explained clearly to you because you’ll be emotionally upset. A lawyer’s jargon and lack of ability to communicate clearly will upset you even more.

Before you choose someone, phone the office to ask if the lawyer will give you an introductory meeting at no cost. This allows you both to get a sense of whether you can work well together.

For example, I couldn’t work with someone who is patronizing. I need someone to give me information, explain all the options, show me the pitfalls, and outline the costs.  Many lawyers think that reassuring and protecting a woman is doing her a favor. I call that the ‘Don’t worry about a thing, dear’ attitude that keeps women from being able to make decisions. On the other hand, many women just want their lawyer to take care of everything. I’m not one of them.

Before Your First Meeting

Write out a list of your own questions. You can also include the following process questions to get started:

1. What does the lawyer need from you in order to evaluate your situation?
2.  What are your options?
3. How many similar matters has he or she handled?
4. What percent of the practice is in the area of expertise you need?
5. What is the process for handling your situation?
6. How does the lawyer charge for services (by the project, hour, retainer?)?
7. What is an estimate for the time required?
8. Will the lawyer handle the case personally or would a paralegal or clerk be handling it?
9. If others will be involved in the work, can you meet with them also?

Remember, every question is a legitimate one. There are no silly questions. You just need to have the question answered.

Before Your Second Meeting

Now that you’ve met and had the process questions answered, save time and money by organizing information your lawyer said would be needed.

Go in again with a written set of questions.

Take a tape recorder with you. Why? Because it’s hard to remember all the things your lawyer says. It’s like going to the doctor. You don’t go when things are fine. You go when there is a problem, when your emotions are high or you’re not feeling well. A tape recorder means you don’t have to rely on your memory at a time when your memory may let you down.

Try to remember that a lawyer is only a person like you with extra training in legal education and procedure. What you are paying for is his/her information, skill and time. You are the client and your lawyer is providing a service you are buying.

Helga Hayse is author of “Don’t Worry About A Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances. She speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversation between generations. Visit her site at http://www.financialintimacy.com for her frequently updated blog, free articles and more information about her book.

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Why Every Couple Needs Estate Planning-Now!

February 11, 2009 By

We take life on the road for granted. The oncoming car will stay in its lane. The driver behind us won’t ride our rear fender. The grazing deer won’t run out on the road. The driver in the weaving car can handle his tire blowout. The bridge will hold; the levee won’t break.

Outside, the storm wasn’t supposed to hit until evening. “I’ll only be gone a few hours,” her husband had said. ” I have to meet this client before the weekend. We’ll review the lawyer’s papers when I come back.”

The storm hit early. The bridge held; her husband’s heart didn’t. The conversation they needed to have didn’t happen. He had resisted signing the papers for giving his wife durable powers of attorney for health care and financial decisions in case he was incapacitated.

When she got to the hospital, he was hooked up to life support. His eyes were closed; he couldn’t talk. His sons consulted with the doctor. They ignored her.  Even after ten years, the boys still resented their father’s remarriage after their mother died.

Feeling invisible and helpless, his wife sobbed. If her husband survived, he would need heart surgery and extensive rehabilitation. His outdated estate plan, with provisions tailored for his first marriage, appointed his sons as holding durable powers of attorney.  She would have no say in the matter. She knew the sons would not include her in their decisions. If her husband died, his previous will, still in effect, would benefit the adult sons from his first marriage.

They had had consulted an estate attorney a few weeks before his heart attack to bring the plan up to date and reflect their ten years of marriage. The draft of the revised plan was on the living room table. That’s what they were planning to discuss when he returned. They would review it and get it back to the attorney for final signatures.

She had been so relieved when her husband finally acknowledged how frightened she was not to have financial protection in case something happened to him. He was the optimist in the family, always expecting the best, looking for the silver lining around every dark cloud. She loved that about him; it balanced her own tendency to brood and worry about things she couldn’t control.

Neither of them had seen this coming. He was in good health; he’d quit smoking a few years ago, watched his weight, had some wine with dinner, exercised – all the things that they’d learned over the years would help them stay healthy longer. He certainly had not been a candidate for a heart attack.

If you’re married to an optimist, he’ll tell you not to worry, that everything will be fine. He’ll point to the wonderful life you have together and reassure you that he understands your fears and concerns.

But if you’re married to an optimist who is also a procrastinator, beware. He’ll postpone taking action about things he doesn’t like to think about, often until it’s too late.
You have a choice – Create an estate plan, make sure you’ve signed the durable powers of attorney and know that you’ve done what you need to do about things you can’t control.

The other choice? Hope for the best.

(c) 2009, Helga Hayse. Reprints welcomed so long as the article and byline are kept intact and all links are made live.

Helga Hayse is author of “Don’t Worry about a Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy. She teaches women about participating and understanding their marital finances and speaks to financial planners and estate planners about how to encourage crucial conversation between generations.  Take her free financial intimacy quiz and read her frequently updated blog at http://www.financialintimacy.com

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